I don't underfuckingstand

So I am in possibly the worst situation ever. I am fully aware of this, yet I still find cause to rejoice my situation. Not only am I soaking up money thanks to verizon wireless, but now I'm also investing my precious time into a lost cause; beating a dead horse, if you will. Instinctively, I know enough to pull out even though my feet are glued to the floor. I don't even understand why-- it's not as though I require the vice I have become addicted to, I just choose to ignore the health risks involved. It makes no sense to me. One minute everything is extraordinary: I can control everything around me. The next minute, I am left in the puppeteer's hand as he sneeringly beckons my legs to perform his tired dance. This reversal of roles is something like a narcotic; each has its highs and lows. It's amazingly seductive; like foreplay for my senses. I know it's not good for me, or for the world, but I cannot give it up. I'm not even sure how it feels about me. Should I hazard a guess, I imagine it would find me crazy and dependent. At any rate, I vow to regain control over my own universe. I will no longer be a slave to the drug of inopportunity and disaster. Disappointment and hatred are the inevitable outcome.